Holy Hell Of A Weekend Detox

If many of you are like me, you enjoy your weekend. Maybe it no longer is the Bacchus-inspired-debauchery-filled times of youthful (nights that run into) day gone by. Or maybe it still is. And if so I say cheers to you Donatella Versace of the Suburbs (and I also say now's the time to invest in a super powerful night cream, key phrase here is "free radicals"). But neither here nor there...we have fun.

We throw caution to the wind. We drink whatever cocktail sounds yummy and we eat whatever gooey, sugary, meat stuffed and cheese topped dish that we can get our hands on. And it is amazing. We are feeling young and setting this world on fire, or something like that. We are intelligent, poignant, telling "it" like "it" is...because people love that. 

A good time had by all...

...some had a better time than others...

...why not, it's the weekend...

..."but it tastes like rainbows...and gasoline"...

...RED SOLO CUPS kids? Really? How gauche. 

(disclaimer: we do not give alcohol to our children. They act like drunken midgets any way, it would simply be a waste of booze.)

King of the world baby, king of the motha truckin world...and then...it's Monday. 

Alarm clock goes off. That bitch. You drink coffee in a haze. You head to the interstate, or your cubicle, or are awaken by those drunken midgets for a full day in "Mommyland" or you get on that big piece of machinery to work in the heat all day, or you get to hang out with other peoples' drunken midgets (dear God). And you get to spend today sucking at work, sucking at life and maybe even hating the world a little because you are also recovering from this...

Nothing says sexy like a "skin tank".

But wait. I say getting back to the routine of Mondays doesn't have to totally suck (Ok, it's so going to kind of suck, but hey I said not totally). Let's indulge in a bit of Monday inspiration, shall we? Let's partake in a dose of Monday medicinal laughter, the best kind of Medicine, really (okay the best that doesn't come in a sippy cup/tervis tumbler/wine glass...because geez ya lush, we just did all that..focus!). Let's remind ourselves to not take it all too seriously. And let's do some damage control with a Mostly Plants Recipe to give you that friendly health infused start-of-the-week-bitch-slap...ahhhh just what the doctor ordered!

First the funny from my gal-pal over at Shedens: sausage parties on the daily. Elaine keeps us all up to speed and rolling on the floor with laughter (and work out tips) in an "everything a girl needs to know" type fashion. She has hilarious info on celebs, hot guy fixes in the form of Fwine Hump Days and Your Weekly Dose of Hotness plus the best from all things web and pinterest (check out her Mother Of All Life-Hacks List). This is our place ladies, where we can do some of the-feels so right it can't be wrong-web searching that the men in our lives pretend they don't do, except this is way classier and much more informative, so yay us!  

The best of the best (IMO) are Shedens Just Another Hilarious Monday posts. Seriously, I don't know how she finds all of these precious little gems that get posted on Mondays, but it literally has me in stitches. When I am staring down the barrel of a green spinach, acai berry juice and flaxseed filled blender on Monday (because I ate my weight in bacon over the weekend) some literal laughing out loud until your eyes get all weepy is exactly what I need. So let's start there:

My fav nugget from today's Monday post:

Check out the rest right here at Shedens: Just Another Hilarious Monday and get your much needed comic relief for the week!

After you that we can move on to our recipe!

Greek Pitas

This is a great meal for lunch but could def be a quick weeknight din din too (just add some cous cous to the plate and you are good to go babe!). It's super simple and super fast! If this is a lunch on the go, prepare veggies and feta in a Tupperware type container, where they can marinade deliciously all morning long until lunch time. If preparing this at home or for dinner, go ahead and let the veggies and feta marinade an hour or two before serving. This recipe makes four servings.

Ingredients

• 3 tbsps extra-virgin olive oil
• 1 tbsp red wine vinegar
• 2 cups cherry tomatoes (chopped)
• 1 cup cucumber (diced)
• 1 cup red, orange or yellow bell pepper (chopped)
• 2/3 cup red onion (chopped)
• ½ cup radishes (chopped)
• ½ cup italian parsley (chopped fresh)
• 1 cup feta cheese (crumbled)
• whole wheat pita breads (8 inch, halved)
• Pesto Hummus or your fav Hummus will work too
• large pieces of green leaf or romaine lettuce

Chop up all veggies (except the lettuce) and throw in a bowl. Add the olive oil, vinegar, parsley and feta cheese. I like to toast my pita in the oven under broil for a couple of minutes, (which you can do if at home or near a toaster oven). If not, the untoasted pita works just as well. Spread a generous helping of hummus on inside of pita, and some of your lettuce and fill up with the marinaded greek veggie blend & top with just a little bit of extra feta. Yum!

Now instead of stressing about all the weird shit you said and all the junk food you ate over the weekend, you can shake it off, enjoy some good belly laughs and decently good-for-you grub.

You are welcome.

I Need An Ashram, Or A Vodka Tonic

Day: 64

Where: Home

Type of Yoga: My Yoga Online.com Chakra Balancing Yoga 
Time: 55 min

Here I am, just loving on my yoga session.

Feeling it, feeling it people! 

Quiet house and children completely immersed in their own activities. Activities I lovingly handpicked just for each of them. Separately in separate rooms. I knew I was playing with fire by doing yoga in the middle of the morning, due to my nine year old up at 3am with a wicked case of the "zombie nightmares". Understandably, but she refused to let herself or me go back to sleep until about 7am, which I did at that point, for about twenty minutes before the seven year old was bouncing in and ready to start the day. Half a pot of coffee later, I am determined, determined to not break the plans I had for my yoga session with myself. 

I was in Eye of the Tiger mode. I asked myself, "Haven't I made sacrifices, haven't I made choices for the greater good of this damn family?"

And you'd better believe I answered myself with "Why, yes Erin. Yes you have, you are simply an amazing example of the female gender, and yes you have."

"Haven't I given up a few of my favorite things? Am I really supposed to sacrifice what makes me happy and what makes me feel good all the blessed time?"

"No...hell no...no you are not."

"Hell no I'm not, and all I have left, all I have is a shameful version of yoga in the den after I rake the toys to the side of the rug with my foot, and nobody, nobody is going to dictate when that happens, how long that happens or how often that happens."

"No no. Not today."

So, I picked my favorite 55 minute session, it was a long one, admittedly, but I had a plan, I provided them with entertainment, I laid out my expectations for them I even made a damn do not disturb sign to remind them.

I start, I stretch I twist I breath I chant...ahhhhhhh.

I get a couple of minor interruptions to which I point to the sign and ask them to give me my important time for myself. (If any of you are already snickering at this point, yeah...no shit, right? You know what's coming, and clearly I have not learned my lesson.)

Then I hear it, a low rumbling 
And I start tuning in to this nonsense and asking myself "Why are they even talking to one another?"

Answering with "Nope, not your problem. You are done being the referee of their endless squabbles, they know what's expected of them, therefore it is their choice to do it or to not do it, not yours."

Then I hear a rising drone of angst.

Followed by another in response

"Nope, nope, nope...breath into your spine...that's all you're focusing on breathing into your spine."

"Yes you're right we're right! Have at it heathens you are NOT baiting me, I'm breathing into my spine."

Suddenly doors are slamming, more screaming, a tussle-a physical battle has ensued at some location in the hallway
But I'm not in it, noho not me. I am twisting my left elbow over to my right knee...and...Oh Holy Hell who am I kidding?? I can't continue this, that's it, that does it, I'm screwed I will never attain enlightenment if my children keep acting like assholes!!!!!!

Now I'm up from my cool mint green mat in a red hot huff of steam and disgust. I pry their little bodies apart from one another and ban them to their rooms "...for eternity or the first day of school or when your father comes home, I'm not sure yet!!!"  To their rooms...ah yes, their rooms which I now see. Their rooms where one has systematically removed every single piece of clothing from closet and drawers to dress up the dog (who hasn't had a bath in who knows how long)...again...while the other a-hole has painted his fingers with marker and then taken those fingers to the wall to create an early 1990's faux finish wall paper design that would make Jesse Spano's mom pleased as punch, but is not quite hitting the mark with me.  

Now I'm walking away, engulfed in rage and cursing in languages and tongues I didn't even know I knew and feeling very yogally frustrated.

This is why yogis flee from civilization and go to the mountain top, or an ashram or just hang out in the wilderness. It isn't for spiritual retreat or for growth or for shedding the world's material values...I am convinced now that just like me, they had children and those children were acting like assholes.

Mostly Plants Monday

Day: 61

Where: Home

Type of Yoga: My Yoga Online.com Awaken the Flow 
Time: 30 min
(I LOVE this one!)

Here's the plan, today I will post recipes with pics of my meals, snacks and beverages in action as the day goes on. I will tweet every time I add something to today's post for anyone who would like to follow along. Vodka Yoga Mama on Twitter. These may not be the best, most fanciest recipes ever (that's the opposite of the point), these are just examples of easy, quick recipes that don't include meat or dairy. 

8am-Breakfast
To start off the day I made my:

Green Morning Smoothie

Ingredients

frozen peaches

frozen mangos

big handful of fresh baby spinach

banana

about a half cup of water

Blend it all up! I usually put the fozen peaches and frozen mangos in first with the water and then do a few things, i.e., switch out laundry, make my coffee, water plants, etc. and then add the other ingredients and blend. Grab my big sippy cup of water, coffee with a bit of honey added to it (I did almond or coconut milk for a while, but then just got used to it without anything) and voila!

The kiddos get the choice of the green smoothie or granola with fruit in the morning or a little bit of both. 

Sidenote: For those of you with kids who think "there is no way my child will drink something green." Don't bet on it. Rome wasn't built in a day, so don't expect it all to happen right away, and don't give up. My philosophy is if you keeping having them at least "try" things, they might surprise themselves (and you) with what they like. I do not believe in making separate meals. Although:

a) they do get more "cheating" foods then I (kids need more calories then we do)

b) they are never expected to clean their plates, but the rules are...everything given to you must at the very least be tried once & the majority of your plate needs to be eaten in order to get dessert ("How can you have any pudding if you don't eat your meat?!" except there is no meat and we don't have pudding! Great, now that jam be stuck in my head all day)

c) if they're still hungry after dinner they may pick some fruit or veggies to snack on. That's it.

d) they do still have some dairy and meat, but not tons. You will always get much more calcium and protein out of plants then from any other source. 

Bottom line. They eat what I eat and that's that. Their taste buds will eventually change. Just be patient.  

Follow me today via Twitter

11am-Snacky

An orange and a handful of the addictive Freaking Awesome Trail Mix made yesterday. An actual handful is an important part to keep in mind. If you sit in front of the whole jar of this stuff you can quickly get carried away...because it really is freaking awesome.

1pm-Lunch

I typically eat the same as the kiddos, but have decided to do smoothies/juice for breakfast and lunch all week for this particular week. I have eaten this lunch (minus the yogurt) multiple times with them and I love it!!! 

• PB Banana Toasty (natural pb, sliced bananas and honey drizzled on top in oven under broil for five minutes)
• carrots and Pesto Hummus made yesterday
• yogurt with blueberries
• strawberry, lime, mint water (just cut up fruit and mint and throw in a pitcher of ice water)

For Mama:

V8 inspired Juice

(I think I added too much spinach, as the color is usually reddish orange, but I'm feeling very spinachy today)

• tomatoes
• orange
• celery
• carrots

That's it for our lunch! (My juice was great, but that banana honey toasty looked delish!!)

4pm-Snack Attack

Veggies and Maple Mustard Dip

• 1/4 real maple syrup
• 14 cup dijon mustard
• a teaspoon of white wine vinegar
• a squeeze of lemon juice
• garlic powder, pepper, sea salt to taste

This is a great idea to put out right when you start cooking dinner. This helps avoid the constant whining of hunger from kids, and if they eat too much before dinner-really no big deal! It's all good stuff! This is a dressing I thicken up a bit with more chickpeas (mashed) to make a dip for the kids. Then right before dinner, I add some balsamic vinegar and a bit more maple and mustard and it doubles as salad dressing!

Now time to cook up some dinner!

6pm-Din Din

Baked Ziti with E's Summer Salad & Pesto Bread

We will start with...

Pesto Bread

• your fav bread cut into small squares
• pesto

Doesn't get any easier!

Place bread squares onto baking sheet and broil on high in oven for about 5 min. Take out, flip each bread square over and brush generous amounts  of pesto on each square. Place back in oven to broil for five minutes more.

Now it's salad time!

E's Summer Salad (aka Whatchu Got In Your Fridge Salad)

• green leaf lettuce chopped
• kale chopped into small bites
• chopped onion
• chopped tomatoes
• diced carrots
• finely chopped radishes
• sliced strawberries
• sunflower seeds

Top with the Maple Mustard (and Now) Balsamic Dressing

Baked Ziti

• 1lb whole wheat ziti
• fav tomato sauce (I used some roasted red pepper salsa/sauce, plain ol' tomato sauce, and a bit of my V8 inspired juice left over from lunch, with some sauteed onion, garlic, and red pepper)
• handful and a half of crushed cashews

Boil the ziti and cook up your sauce. mix together and pour into a casserole dish. Bake pasta in the oven at 350F for 20-30 minutes. Take out of oven, sprinkle cashews on top (this is a nice substitute for parm) and broil on high for about 5 min.

That is it! This Day is done!! What did we have for dessert?? Nothing! We are all stuffed and this Mama is ready to relax!

Sunday Booty Shakin' & Food Preppin'

As I stated in my previous blog post, my eating habits have drastically changed from a few months ago. While it is a drastic change, it didn't happen overnight. I've had a few failed attempts at meals as well as junkie-like cravings that have finally started to melt away (along with my thighs, can I get an Amen?).

My parents, who just cannot fathom the notion of any meal without meat-and don't even get me started on their thoughts on DAIRY (believe me, I get it, I loves me some dairy)-will frequently ask me, "What in the world do you eat?" This gave me the grandest of ideas. To post an entire days' worth of Vegan-ish meals, snacks and beverages for all to see, to try and to share!

Here's the plan, tomorrow I will post recipes with pics of my meals in action as the day goes on. The key to all of it is getting super comfy with the fact that you have to plan ahead. You have to think about what you are going to eat. Which is more then fine with me, as I love food. I love to talk about food, I love to talk about how much I love the food while I'm eating the food.

So, on Sundays I kick all of the other members of my household out (except the dog, she comes in handy as a crumb vacuum). I mean, I get alone time out of this...the perks are happening already! Here's what happened today, I turned on my fave internet radio station (shook my ass all over the kitchen to 105.7 Alternative Atlanta) and whipped up a few of these staples for the week!

Maple Vanilla Granola

Banana Chips

Pesto Hummus

Avocado Everything

Freaking Awesome Trail Mix

FYI...do not wig out...almost everything I use in these recipes are purchased at a typical grocery store (i.e. Publix/Kroger), only the vegan pesto came from a natural food store (but I plan to make my own in the future), you can use regular pesto if you aren't full on Vegan-Ish. So NOOOO excuses that one doesn't have a Whole Foods nearby, or that one can't be expected to drive all over the place for weirdo patchouli laced/hemp infused ingredients. This is all much more doable than most folks think.

Alright! Whip out the ol' food processor and crank up the oven. Let the prepping begin!:

Maple Vanilla Granola 

Ingredients

• 5 cups old fashioned rolled oats (do not use quick oats)
• 1 cup wheat bran
• 1/2 teaspoon salt
• 1/2 cup real maple syrup
• 1/4 cup brown sugar
• 1/4 cup vegetable oil
• 1/4 cup coconut oil
• 1 teaspoon vanilla extract
• honey

• Preheat the oven to 300 ° 
• Line a rimmed, half sheet baking pan with parchment paper.
• In a large mixing bowl, combine the oats, wheat bran, and salt.
• In a small saucepan, combine the syrup, sugar, oil, and vanilla. Heat just until the sugar is dissolved.
• Pour the liquid over the dry mixture and stir to coat. Transfer the mixture to the prepared baking sheet and spread evenly, pressing the mixture firmly.
• Bake for 40 to 45 minutes, or until golden brown. (your whole house will smell like heaven!!!!!!) Break into clusters, drizzle honey over top and bake for an additional 5 to 10 minutes. Allow to cool completely before packaging in an airtight container to be used for snacking, cereal, on yogurt, etc. I keep it in the fridge for freshness. Place a considerable amount in a separate container, this will be the main ingredient in the trail mix too. 

Now...

Drop the oven (like it's hot) down to 200F, and move on to:

Banana Chips

Ingredients

• 3 large and pretty ripe, bananas
• 1/2 lemon, juiced

Instructions

1. Peel and slice bananas in 1/4"-thick slices (or thinner).
2. Lay slices on cookie sheet, lined with parchment paper.
3. Dip your fingers in lemon juice and brush each banana slice with lemon juice.
4. Bake at 200F (or as low as your oven will go), for 2-3 hours.

While that's baking, get out the food processor and...

move on to:

Avocado Everything

I use this in place of mayo and as a dressing on salads.

Ingredients

• 2 ripe avocados, halved, pitted, scooped out of skins, and cubed
• big ol' handful of fresh basil leaves
• 1 tablespoons extra-virgin olive oil
• 2 teaspoons fresh lemon or lime juice
• 1 garlic clove, peeled and minced
• sea salt and black pepper, to taste

Directions:

1. Combine basil, garlic, and a pinch of sea salt in a small food processor and blend until ingredients form a paste.

2. Add avocados and process until smooth. Blend in the oil and lemon or lime juice, and then season with sea salt and pepper.

Rinse out the food processor for round two...

Let's get our hummus on:

Pesto Hummus

Ingredients:

• 1 can of chickpeas, rinsed
• water on stand by to add for desired consistency
• 1/2 lemon, juiced
• big ol' honkin' hunk of a tablespoon of pesto
• a small little handful of cashews
• pinch of sea salt and black pepper to taste

Yummy yum yum yumminess...I will NEVER buy hummus at the store again. 

Get your stuff all tupperwared up, labeled and in the fridge ready to go, clean up the kitchen and keep shakin' what your mama gave you while the banana chips keep baking. 

Time to add the rest of the trail mix ingredients to the granola:

• dried cranberries
• cashews
• small-I mean just a little-amount of white chocolate chips
• again just a few, dark chocolate chips
• sunflower seeds 
• maple vanilla granola
• banana chips

Once the banana chips are out and are completely cooled (You have to wait for these suckers to cool All. The. Way.) you are done. All set for the week ahead. If you still have some time before the fam gets back, pour yourself a glass of vino and take it outside and breath in, breath out, give thanks. See you in the morning!

Don't Call It A Comeback

Days: 35-60

Where: Home

Type of Yoga: Lots of short morning and evening sessions such as:

MyYogaOnline.com Sun Salutations & Full Spinal Moblility

Morning Hatha Flow

Surya Morning Flow

Insomnia Hatha Flow

Get Set For A Good Night Sleep

I'm still at it. To be perfectly honest, it has been rough going, but going I still am. The other day I received a little note from my yogi mentor checking in with me. I haven't been able to go to yoga classes at any studio due to one financial atomic bomb quickly followed by another this summer (why oh why do they seem to come in multiples?). Therefore, I had to temporarily ixnay going to my yoga classes, the ones that propelled me into so much...um...much-ness. It is sososososo not the same doing it at home, but My Yoga Online has saved my asana  fo sho. Thank goodness that website exists at all. 

Not going to the yoga studio was admittedly detrimental. It made it that much easier to skip, lose motivation, and make excuses. I did some of that, again, and it felt like crap, again. So I got back on that horse. I'm doing what works, and most days that means: yoga stretches in bed to start my day, a short yoga online class in the morning, some poses throughout the days' work to keep me going, and then maybe another short yoga online class before bed, or just some calming poses before bed. On the really super crazy days I will do the kids' yoga classes online with them. Funny how I still will be darn sure they get their yoga in, regardless, that's always my back up plan. It works and it is certainly much, much better than nothing.

The bestest news for me is that this is still enough to work me. I continue to delve into lots of deep healing. Letting go of the neurotic desire to explore and dissect and over think the world around me. I am much more interested in the adventures that exist in the world within me.  You can't have healing without feeling, and it isn't always a gas, that's the truth, but my focus has shifted from what makes me "accomplished" to what makes me "blissed" (thank you again yogi mentor, Elizabeth Rowan, for that new-to-me word that I can't stop saying). My new developments range from taking a step back in work (which is probably mind boggling considering the aforementioned financial atomic bombs) and the realization that I am consistently eating Vegan 90% of the time. I even somehow convinced my husband (my alpha male/rugby playing/country boy/meat and potatoes eating husband) to do it with me, he's more 70-75% but I mean...what?!! Wow. I'm quite literally shocking the shit out of myself.  

I often stop and think, "How is all of this happening?". The one thing I'm finally not thinking is "How long until I sabotage everything that is happening?", which then makes me think again "Now how is THAT happening?".  To quote that darling yogi mentor of mine, who reminds me when I ask "How is this?"...or "Why am I that?"...or "I simply can't believe I could this?".
"Yoga." she always says. Yoga indeed.